Life

Once, there was this girl I’ve been friends with and openly admired back in my juvenile days. We met some time October 2010. She was introduced to me as our vocalist in one of my bands, and I was introduced to be the bassist. We became friends eventually. Back then, I saw in her something that fascinated me. Her character draws me onto her, and all I can think about are the what-ifs. What if she was to be my girlfriend? But back then we didn’t click. I tried pursuing her, but seems like we just never met eye to eye during those times.

A lot of things happened after that. Both of us went our separate ways. We still remained friends afterwards. She went to Dubai, I stayed here in town. Sometimes, we chat over messenger a bit, getting updates from Facebook statuses and photos. I already accepted what seemed to be our fate during that time as nothing more than friends.

2010 to 2012 was a great period for me since that was the time our online radio station kicked off and gigs were coming from every corner. So my focus was directed to those endeavors. I met a lot of people, opened my horizon to any possibility that would come my way. I even considered transferring to another city once my contract with the company I was working with during that time would terminate. But for once I never forgot the girl that I once fell for back in late 2010.

Three years later, our paths would meet again. This time, things would be different—she’s fresh from Dubai, I was preoccupied with a lot of other things like work, bands, friends, and the pending relaunching of our online radio station. I didn’t try pursuing her again since her image as a friend was well engraved on my head already and my gaze was set to other prospects at the time. We were both different persons back when we first met in 2010. But even with all those factors laid out, one invitation from her and my feet would lead me all the way to our rendezvous. I still consider her as one of my dear friends, so I couldn’t help but see her and listen to all her travel journals and life outside the country.

We didn’t see each other months after that since our schedules would conflict. She goes out Tuesday or Wednesday, and I would be free Fridays and Saturdays. I went on with my life, and future plans were already set once I get to finish my job’s 2-year contract. June 2013 was coming to an end, it was a weekend, and it was one of those nights when I was burned out from work, band rehearsals, and all the other daily routines of the week. I had nothing planned for the night, and I was just waiting for time or people to contact me so I could have my weekly dose of alcohol. I was lying on the floor, loud music on the background, exhausted and apathetic, when suddenly I got a Viber message alert.

“So, we still hanging tonight?”
“Sure! Time and place? :)”
“. . .”
(Not the actual conversation, but it went something like that.)

My chest pounded. Finally, I got plans for the night! And what more could make things better than a night out with Aiko? We haven’t hung out for quite some time, and now our schedules finally collided. I got up, took a bath, laid out my clothes, checked my playlist, earphones, and I was all set.

My expectations that night didn’t fail me. The night couldn’t get any better. We started out with some drinks at some bar, a lot of chat, we met up with her bestfriend, introductions, then we went to our usual bar. We met more friends there, got good bands playing, place was packed with people we knew back when both of us were still hanging out as bandmates. The night ended beautifully.

Ever since that night, we would see each other more often. We communicated constantly. Then we got to exclusively dating each other. We never planned any of it. The opportunity just presented itself, and we were glad it did. We made things official by the following month. And since then, it’s been one helluvah ride. It took around 3 years for that to happen. I’m glad I didn’t burn bridges back then. It took me 3 years to get to know her, 3 years to assess my feelings for her, and it was more than enough for me to be sure of my decisions.

April 2015, I proposed to her on a full moon night. She said yes. We got hitched the following month. I didn’t need any more time to discern. I knew her well enough already. I now knew she’s what I wanted all along. I think of my future, and I see myself with her in the picture. I was settled.

Now it’s been 2 months since we got married, and we have our gazes set on our journey towards our future. We got a lot of things planned, and we’re very eager to reach our goals. The road’s bumpy on the way there, but I’m very much positive nothing’s impossible if we hold on to each other and help each other out.

Maybe if there’s one thing to learn here, it’s that if we were to leave people, we should never leave with inflicted cuts and bruises. We will never really know how things would end. It would take years and years where we would meet so many people, only to end up together again, hand-in-hand. I’m not saying that it will happen, but if it did, it’s better to have better chances than nothing at all. So fall down, get hurt, but never throw poison at anyone. What I have now is one of the best things that have ever happened to me, and it’s one that grew out of that principle.

civil-wedding-cropped-bw

Sometimes, it takes a hangover to grab your ass somewhere and be able to actually think about stuff. Ever since I’ve been working on a company, work has been a daily routine. You wake up, go to the office, fix websites/make websites, you go home, and all those all over again the following day. Sometimes, this type of routine makes you forget about all the other essential things. I need to re-assess my path. I need to think about where I’m going in the near future. I need to know if everything I’m doing right now is what I really wanted or needed.

Today, I did just that. On a very laid-back part of the city, strong wind brushing through my face, fresh air, and a very lovely scenery—everything was a perfect setup. Sat there for a few hours and thought about a lot of stuff. What really is my goal in life? Why am I doing all these things that I’m doing now? How do I get hold of these goals? It was enlightening! After all the hectic schedule during the stretch of the week, I finally get to sit down and just think . . . just think.

Lovely view uphill

Many people don’t have the luxury of kicking in this type of activity on their busy schedules. I suggest you guys try and fit one to yours.

Every once in a while, I retreat.
I discern, detach from the world, into my cave–
With a pen, a notebook, and some tea, coffee, or beer as my companion;
And music as my only escape.

I ponder, I think.

. . .

Ze Cat Ponders

But seriously, it’s one of those times when I wish I knew the answers to all my questions. What will happen? If I make this decision, what are the ramifications? How do I go around this wall? Where am I heading with all these things that I’m doing now?

It took me walks, places, and around many faces–poring through prints hoping I’d somehow get an epiphany. Losing sleep, skipping meals, ditching plans and all. It’s gonna take some more of that, after which I hope I could come up with viable solutions.

But even in the midst of all these, I try best to remind myself that in order to sit on top of the tree, first we have to sow the seeds. It’s the only belief I hold steadfast. Hoping that in the end, good will come out of all these, not only for myself, but also for all the people around me that matters.